How to Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie is famous for his book, “How to win Friends and Influence People.” The book was a best seller. Dale decided to franchise his concept. He licensed individual proponents of his concept to tell others, in live local classes “How to win Friends and Influence People.” Those who have taken the course, generally have improved their public image.

There is a way to Win Friends and Influence People, without taking Dale Carnegie’s course, or reading his book. It is in another book of personal growth, written many years ago.

Fair dealing is the key. Both parties to a transaction must think they achieved a “bargain.” If only one person believes he has received a bargain, the other person is the loser. For both sides to be completely happy, they must both think that they have achieved a fair deal.

Abraham was in quandary, in this week’s Torah portion. Sarah, his wife, and the mother of his heir, Isaac, had died. She was to be the mother of the Jewish People, in whom, as G-d had promised, “All the people of the Earth shall be blessed.” (Gen. 2.2 ___). You just couldn’t bury her anywhere! There had to be a burial place that future generations could visit, and acknowledge her unique place in their lives.

Abraham knew of a special place – a cave – in Machpelah. This was a unique resting place for the mother of the Jewish People.

But it belonged to Heth, a Hititte, it was in his field. He was a friendly person who respected Abraham. He offered his own land to Abraham for a burial place – for nothing.

But Abraham, while grateful, knew that Sarah deserved a separate place – a place where future generations of her descendants could visit and offer prayers.

Abraham knew of a certain cave in the field of Machpelah, which belonged to Heth, which was an appropriate resting place, which could be visited by future generations.

He told Heth he would like to buy the cave for a fair price. Heth replied that he would give it to Abraham as a gift.

This was generous of Heth, but not satisfactory to Abraham. He knew that Heth would always regret the gift – so he offered to pay a fair price for the cave.

Heth was a business minded man of the old school. He said it but did not say it. He insisted that the field be given to Abraham as a gift to his friend – since it was only worth 400 silver coins.

Abraham took the hint, and paid 400 silver coins to Heth – and took possession of the cave of Machpelah, and buried his beloved wife there – and later, he was buried next to her by his two sons, Ishmal and Isaac.

Abraham purchased Machpelah in full view of the elders of the City at the City Gages – the market place of ancient transactions – for the full value ascribed to it by Heth.

It was a sound investment for a fair price – fair to both parties – since it was the full amount specified by the seller.

Abraham thus won friendship with Heth, and the elders of the City, as a man who dealt fairly and did not bargain – and thus won friends wherever he went.

Similar good deeds by Abraham are cited by the Torah, but it is stressed that Abraham took no benefit from his good deeds.

His was the ultimate good deed – the voluntary act for no reward. That is how to win friends and influence people.

© 2007 L.M.S.